So you just got engaged, now what?
So first of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement! So now what? I imagine you are feeling kind of a mixture of excitement, nervousness, and perhaps even a bit of stress. Thats all totally normal. I have always found that the hardest part of any project (And yes, your wedding is very much a project) is just getting started. So let’s get this ball rolling together here. The first step is to decide what kind of wedding you want to have. Do you want to go big and invite all your friends and family? What about ditching all of that to go elope somewhere scenic? Or perhaps you are looking for something in the middle. I personally love a good pros/cons list so let’s start there. I should note that there is no wrong option here. Some of these ideas are going to appeal differently to different couples.
Big Wedding
Pros:
Invite all the friends and family you want (Within reason). Who doesn’t love a huge party?
Lots of pre wedding celebrations (Bridal showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, etc..)
Traditions. Most cultures celebrate wedding ceremonies in larger numbers.
Lots of options. With a bigger wedding you will have a larger pool of vendors to choose from. You will have more options of food, Dj’s (or bands), etc..
You probably won’t have to go too far. Chances are, if you are having a big wedding, you are doing it local to where you live. Ofcourse I have seen exceptions but that is usually to accommodate family.
Cons:
More expensive. Your catering costs tend to go up rather quickly when you start adding a lot of names to your guestlist. Bigger venues often come at a larger price tag as well.
More drama. The nature of larger weddings is that they tend to run late. You can plan around it all you want but when there are that many moving pieces in a huge party, if things start to run late, its harder to rigth the ship.
RSVP issues. If you invite a large number of people to your wedding, you can safely assume that a bunch of them are A.) going to RSVP via instagram or a text message (rather than your formal invites that cost you a fortune) or B.) Won’t RSVP at all but show up anyways.
Family drama: This one gets a seperate mention from #2 because more family means more family drama. It’s like death and taxes, its just unavoidable.
Big weddings are a ton of fun. I will note that if you are going to have a big wedding, you really need to knock it out of the park on your entertainment. Hiring a good DJ like RockYou Entertainment will ensure that the party rages on to the last dance.
What should your first priorities be if you are having a big wedding?
Find a venue. The venue is going to be a huge determining factor in what your wedding date will be. Without a wedding date, you can’t really do a whole lot of other planning.
Once you have locked down a venue, the first vendors you will want to book are your Wedding Planner(Not totally necessary for every couple), Photographer and your DJ/Band.
Engagement photos: I recommend doing these as early as you can. You’ll want these photos for your wedding website, Save the Dates/Invitations, and it gives you a chance to build some rapport with your photographer.
Make a list of the other vendors you need and create a timeline on when you need to book them. These vendors would be (In no particular order): Hair/Makeup, Florist, Catering, Photobooth, Videographer, and any event rentals you may need.
Dress and Suit fittings: I do recommend getting this squared away as early as you can. Sometimes dress alterations can take time and youll want to make sure you have as much time as possible.
Eloping
Pros:
Endless options: You can elope just about anywhere. I have photographed elopements ranging from Central Park in New York City to the cliffs of Big Sur on the California Coast.
Cheaper: Not cheap but cheaper. You can do something really really epic for way less cost than a large wedding.
Less stressful: If its just the two of you (or perhaps you have a couple friends/family with you), what is there to worry about?
More personal: You can make your wedding day what you want it without any outside influence.
Faster: Everything with eloping takes less time. In fact, most of my eloping couples plan their wedding in under 6 months (To great success I might add)
Cons:
Hurt feelings: This is really the big con. Your family might get upset. I do have a separate article about how to break the news to your family and you can read that by clicking right HERE.
Permits: Permits can get a little bit complicated and stressful but I am here to help with all of those logistics.
Too many options: When you have unlimited options you can get paralyzed by indecision.
If you are the type of couple that already likes to do things on your own and you want your wedding to be more of that, eloping might be a great option. If you want a few guests, whats the harm right? About 50% of the elopements I shoot have a few guests. So if you want to elope but you also want your parents and perhaps your best friend there, do it. When you choose to elope there really are unlimited options.
What should your first priorities be if you are choosing to elope?
Pick a spot to elope at. Just like needing to choose a venue to establish your date, picking a location to elope should be step one. You will want to consider seasonal weather, crowds, and accessiblity.
Pick your photographer: These first two can honestly be done in any order. I do shoot mostly weekday elopements so availability is rarely an issue. I also get a lot of inquiries from couples that aren’t quite sure where they want to elope and if you are one of those couples, I have a plethora of locations near and far that I can recommend to you.
Figure out all of the appropriate permiting: Some locations require that you submit permits with a few months or weeks notice. You don’t want to try this without a permit. Getting in trouble for getting married is a dumb ticket to have to pay. (Plus the money from the permits typically goes to preserving that place)
Somewhere in the middle
There really isn’t much sense in doing a pros/cons list for the middle ground. Most of the events that I shoot tend to land in this little middle area. So you want to have something super unique? Perhaps you only want to invite around 50 people? Having a micro wedding is an awesome option. You will have a totally different pool of venues to choose from as the couples planning huge weddings won’t consider a venue that would max out shy of their guest list. Couples that are eloping aren’t going to be considering a venue like that at all anyways. Less guests means you can keep your catering costs lower or you could get a fancier caterer. Smaller wedding usually also means smaller bridal party (Or no bridal party at all). If you want to have a bigger wedding but you two are quieter and more reserved people, having a small wedding is a great option. Also, huge plus, you will be able to spend more time with your guests than a couple that is hosting hundreds of people. You can still be really creative with the planning and these weddings tend to be a lot less stressful throughout the entire process.
Your priorities for a small wedding are going to be more or less in the same order as they are for a big one. But just like with an elopement, you can really go off script quite a bit so it’s probably a good idea to find vendors like myself or a good planner that can help guide the way.
